Karl Is Tired of Driving to Lowe’s

Today was the day the garage door was replaced. This was the original, wooden, pedestrian door; rather than the one you drive cars through.

We started out as a family. “Where are we going?” the kids pestered. “What are we doing? When are we going to be there?” The questions persisted until we turned into Lowe’s Home Improvement Super Store’s drive way. They were disappointed it wasn’t some place “fun”, but they rallied.

“I want a Bob the Builder book!” Youngest insisted. The girls took turns pushing the buggy with brother as rider. I picked up some pamphlets. Oldest was instructed to put pamphlets back. On it went the whole trip.

“The exterior door is 36 inches, right?” Hubby asked, confident he was right.

“No,” I burst his bubble, “it’s only 32 inches. Don’t you recall we had this discussion when we replaced the front door? IT is 36 inches. The side door is 32.”

“You are mistaken,” he insisted.

I was right.

We returned home and fed the children lunch. Hubby headed out to purchase the 32 inch steel door. When he returned and dragged it across the lawn, he discovered something else:

He needed a left hand door.

The right hand door needed to go back. I volunteered to take it. Oldest invited herself along for the ride. After much waiting, I was given a door “fresh off the truck”. The associates even had to remove staples and plastic wrap to get it off the pallet.

The correct door, Oldest, and I returned home. I hustled children into the backyard for some gardening fun. Much screaming and whining followed. The beans and peas found themselves in the dirt, in somewhat of a straight line. Hubby was making some interesting noises with power tools. The gnats had found Hubby and were enjoying their tasty snack.

Children were sent indoors to watch television. Of course, they failed to watch the channel they had been instructed to watch. Between checking on them, I helped Hubby with the final “stick the door in the hole” process. I also sprayed the grass with Malathion to annoy the gnats and other “No See Ums”. The cloud of irritating insects seemed to clear away from Hubby.

The new frame comes perfectly square. The old doorway is never square. Hubby finally shoved the door kit into place and stepped back. “That looks good,” he mused. Grabbing the level, he checked one side. “(Expletive), it’s square!” He checked the other side. He repeated his original dirty word.

“Check the top,” I suggested. It too was square.

“Where’s the lock set?”

“I don’t know. Are you sure we have one?”

Karl the Wonder Truck made his fourth trip to Lowe’s. First was the whole family, followed by Hubby getting the wrong door, then my two trips. Karl was about to show how grumpy he was getting.

I was heading to the check out when I heard music. “Sounds like someone dropped a cell phone back there. Dang! that’s close to me. Oh, crud, it’s MY phone.” It was not easy trying to look for a cell phone while not dropping the two pieces of trim board. I missed the call. When I finally got to the phone, I saw it was a call from home. “Did you call me?” I asked as soon as Hubby answered.

“Yes, your Dad called. He said you should get the new locks keyed to match the front door.”

Brilliant!

After a nice chat with the locksmith, I struggled to carry my purchases to the counter. I really should have gotten a buggy this time. I took the locks, the trim pieces, and the magnetic curtain rod to the truck. How could I get them all inside without leaving Karl’s hatch open on the Interstate? Aha! The windows! A couple of trips back and forth, and I have the ten foot length of trim board from the cab to the tail gate. The windows were hard to open. This was not good.

I got home and handed Hubby the locks. The instructions fell out of the bag and Hubby couldn’t find them. “Floor,” I said as I reached for the WD-40. The WD-40 REFUSED to spray. What the heck? So next I found the bottle of Three-In-One Oil. Much oil was spread upon the tracks and Karl decided to finally allow his windows to be closed.

Hubby managed to get the door knob installed. Small bits of wood had to be removed so stuff would fit properly. He admitted temporary defeat and went inside to warm up. After a short period of staring at the dead bolt in his hand while sitting upon the sofa, Hubby decided to try again.

The long and short of it: it’s done.

New exterior, steel, 9-pane door: $125.
New locks re-keyed to fit your existing keys: $65.
Magnetic curtain rod to hide the mess in the garage: $12.
Number of trips to “Make it Happen”: 4.
Saying “I’m done”: Priceless.