That Long Promised Birthday Post

I had a hard time waking, probably because someone kept me up past Midnight. I stumbled into the bathroom and discovered I couldn’t use the sink. There was a large Victoria’s Secret box blocking access.

Decent start, yes?

As I got dressed, I noticed the bruise on my foot. This would be the bruise caused by dropping a bottle of Maple Syrup out of the refrigerator and bouncing it off my metatarsal. When I had mentioned the incident to my friend, Nether the Lich… Wait, didn’t you know I have undead friends? Hey, pay attention! Anyways, Nether made the cute suggestion “You should draw a face on that bruise…” I picked up the teal Sharpie and outlined the area, then added spikey hair, eyes, and mouth. I could barely see it.

Downstairs, I picked up the purple Sharpie. (I have a thing for Sharpies. Must. Have. All. Colors.) I retraced the eyes and mouth, then added a nose. Oldest wandered through and asked what I was doing. “I’m drawing a bruise on my… wait…”

“Hey, I can draw a bruise on my foot.” She helpfully pantomimes a big scribble above her foot. Smarty Pants.

I wandered back upstairs to find where I had left my watch. Distracted by my hair comb, I instead started fluffing out my damp curls. I turned to leave the bathroom and ACTUALLY REMEMBERED what I had originally come in there for. Watch on my arm, I returned to the kitchen.

Watching Good Morning America got my blood pressure up. The video of the Iranian “incident” got me extremely angry. Am I the only person that recalls the bombing of the Cole? I believe 17 sailors died that day, all because jerks in a motor boat pulled up along side the Cole and blew a big hole in its side. I would have opened fire this week. The Iranians just better be glad I’m not in charge. Time to change the subject.

Oldest was sent to school with a house key. We might not be home when she arrived from school. The bus driver for the younger set was warned that Big Sister might be meeting the bus, but that parental units would soon be home.

Once all the children were safely off to school, I headed upstairs again. As I washed my hands, the sunlight shone on my hair. For all my “going back to my original color”, there sure is a lot of LIGHT in there. Closer examination caused me to say out loud, “Thanks for the DNA, Granny!” I’m going white like Granny did. Very little of this grey nonsense for me! I did the Happy Dance, then went to brush my teeth.

Note to self: in future, apply lip color AFTER tooth brushing. (Wipes toothbrush.)

I headed over to the jewelry repair shop. Not only were they not open, they have a snooty note on the front door stating “Our Insurance Regulations State We May Not Open Our Doors Outside of Our Normal Business Hours.” Instead of standing out front, acting like I was really interested in their window display, I walked into the thrift store next to them.

Two clear glass mugs with sailing ships etched upon them followed me home. Two other not quite so pretty mugs accompanied them.

Finally, I had wasted enough time that the jewelry repair was open. Mickey and Minnie have had dead batteries for literally years. I picked out a pretty red band to go with the red in their clothing, then agreed to return the next day to retrieve my watch. I had to get to church on time.

Sometimes it’s a drag being the youngest participating member of the church women’s group. This day it was my job to play Vanna White. This must be why I took accounting in college. I covered the dry erase board with numbers large enough for the old ladies to see them, then translated for those that still couldn’t see. When the business part of the meeting was over, they sang Happy Birthday to me. Then I was informed I was picking the restaurant for our lunch. No pressure, I just had to make a dozen people happy. “What are you interested in eating?” I was asked. Steak. More discussion followed and our meeting was adjourned to Applebee’s.

Applebee’s then proceed to hold us hostage. That must have been it. Why else would it take over an hour to get our food? The restaurant wasn’t even busy. The waitress apologized for the slow service and tried to make it up to us by giving us all free desserts. I, of course, couldn’t eat my free dessert because I had been forced to eat the largest meal. Everyone else got a “Pick A Pair”. The ONLY steak dish on the menu was a three course meal. Salad was my appetizer. Steak was the main course. Hot fudge “shooter” was my dessert. For being the Birthday Girl I received a FREE Blond Brownie with Caramel Sauce. (It’s still in the freezer.)

Finally free of the restaurant, I was treated to Riding With Old Ladies Part 2. It was… “exciting.” Next time, I either drive myself or volunteer to drive the Over 80 Crowd.

Look! Another white hair!

I rushed in the door, more than an hour after my expected time of return. I thrust food boxes at Hubby and raced upstairs. (When ya gotta go…) I raced back downstairs. “Let’s go. Who’s vehicle?” I hopped in the driver seat of Karl the Wonder Truck.

On the half hour drive to the dealership, I caught Hubby up to date with my day’s activities. His day had not been uneventful either. When we finally arrived, I made sure that Caddy was ready for pick up. I handed over the check book and bid Hubby good-bye. Hopping back into Karl, I put on my sunglasses and turned up the radio.

When I arrived home, I let myself in the door. I was greeted with the sound of crashing and falling objects. Oldest had experienced a moment of panic and things had gotten turned over in her quest to look out the window.

At this point, it was after 3 PM. This was also the point that I realized I had not picked up my birthday cake at 11 AM as promised. Drat.

Hubby managed to beat the younger crowd home. I suggested we order Chinese food from Our Favorite Chinese Restaurant. The guy recognized my voice. It’s not like we order food every week or something.

I picked up the cake, then swung by the restaurant. Hubby met me outside to carry in the food and shut the car door. I zipped inside with the cake. Observant Children wondered out loud “what’s for dinner?” as I applied red candles all around the blue “Happy Birthday Janie”.

We always take pictures of our cakes. I have this delusion that one day I’ll put copies in a special album. I’ll use our previous cakes as inspiration for future cakes. This is the reason I took all three Wilton Cake Decorating classes before I became a mother.

As I was saying, we always take pictures of our cakes. Or actually, *I* usually take the pictures. Hubby was having an argument with my digital camera as I tried to hold the cake as Mr. Photographer instructed. Red wax puddled all around “Janie”. I wished for World Peace and Lottery Wins, then blew out what remained of the candles.

The French wine “Pinot Evil” accompanied the Beef Mixed Vegetables and Sweet and Sour Chicken. (Hubby had his very own order of General Tsao’s Chicken. Spicy. Ick.) For those that have never taken a year of High School French Class, Pinot is pronounced “Pee No”. Rather than being rude, this rhymes with “See No”. The Three Wise Monkeys decorated the bottle: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Speak No Evil.

I wisely pointed out to the children that the Fourth Monkey was not on the bottle. Fourth Monkey is:

“Have No Fun.”