Snakes on a Crowbar
Do I really need to point out that this really happened? So it was only ONE snake, but "Snake on a Crowbar" doesn't have the same ring to it...
Dad had purchased the house down the street. It was a junker and he bought it for a song. The original hope was that the house could be renovated and we would just simply move down the street. It was not to be.
Cleaning up the back yard, Dad was attacked by a swarm of wild bees. The bees had taken offense to a lawn mower passing over their dirt home. Imagine you are the bees for a moment. Here you are, setting up your home in a yard that hasn't been mowed for almost 20 years. I guess we can't really blame the poor bees. Dad got some super strength anithistamines and recovered. You can't keep an old bee keeper down.
As Dad, Mom, my brother, and I worked on the house, we discovered that more than half of the boards were rotten. Dad's dream of a simple renovation went down the toilet. We set about disassembling the house. Sometimes Dad managed to get his brother to help. Sometimes we kids would bring a friend or two to help.
So here it was one Saturday. I had my favorite job: the burn pile. (What can I say? I'm from a long line of pyros.) The Jerk was there, pretending to help. As usual he was doing little actual work. We heard the screams and thumping from inside. Brother ran outside. Here's what happened in less than one minute:
Dad was ripping trim boards from over a window.
His tool of choice was a crowbar.
A snake had taken up residence in the space above the window.
When the trim board was pried away, the snake fell out.
It landed on Dad.
Dad screamed, "SNAKE!!!" and proceeded to make it DEAD.
With many thumps and whumps from his crowbar.
Dad looked up to discover his helper (Brother) was GONE.
At this point, The Jerk wanders inside to see what sort of snake it was. "It was only a non-poisonous black snake," he opined. "There was no reason to kill it. I could have just released it out back."
Dad's response?
"It touched me. It died."
Can you imagine having the gall to inform a very surprised man that he was supposed to stop what he was doing and ensure whether the snake was poisonous or not BEFORE killing it? Come on! This was inside a house! It might have been so old and rotten that no one was ever going to live there again, but A SNAKE WAS INSIDE HIS HOUSE! Do you really want to take a chance on any snake getting away and taking up residence in another part of your house?
Besides, Dad has had issues with snakes in the past. I won't tell you about the cobra in the chicken house tonight.
Dad had purchased the house down the street. It was a junker and he bought it for a song. The original hope was that the house could be renovated and we would just simply move down the street. It was not to be.
Cleaning up the back yard, Dad was attacked by a swarm of wild bees. The bees had taken offense to a lawn mower passing over their dirt home. Imagine you are the bees for a moment. Here you are, setting up your home in a yard that hasn't been mowed for almost 20 years. I guess we can't really blame the poor bees. Dad got some super strength anithistamines and recovered. You can't keep an old bee keeper down.
As Dad, Mom, my brother, and I worked on the house, we discovered that more than half of the boards were rotten. Dad's dream of a simple renovation went down the toilet. We set about disassembling the house. Sometimes Dad managed to get his brother to help. Sometimes we kids would bring a friend or two to help.
So here it was one Saturday. I had my favorite job: the burn pile. (What can I say? I'm from a long line of pyros.) The Jerk was there, pretending to help. As usual he was doing little actual work. We heard the screams and thumping from inside. Brother ran outside. Here's what happened in less than one minute:
Dad was ripping trim boards from over a window.
His tool of choice was a crowbar.
A snake had taken up residence in the space above the window.
When the trim board was pried away, the snake fell out.
It landed on Dad.
Dad screamed, "SNAKE!!!" and proceeded to make it DEAD.
With many thumps and whumps from his crowbar.
Dad looked up to discover his helper (Brother) was GONE.
At this point, The Jerk wanders inside to see what sort of snake it was. "It was only a non-poisonous black snake," he opined. "There was no reason to kill it. I could have just released it out back."
Dad's response?
"It touched me. It died."
Can you imagine having the gall to inform a very surprised man that he was supposed to stop what he was doing and ensure whether the snake was poisonous or not BEFORE killing it? Come on! This was inside a house! It might have been so old and rotten that no one was ever going to live there again, but A SNAKE WAS INSIDE HIS HOUSE! Do you really want to take a chance on any snake getting away and taking up residence in another part of your house?
Besides, Dad has had issues with snakes in the past. I won't tell you about the cobra in the chicken house tonight.
posted by Janie B @ 7:31 PM
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