Attention, this is a Class One Beverage Alert!!!
I was cruising the blogs I read, when I hit this comment on http://fuglyhorseoftheday.blogspot.com/ .
Tuffy Horse said...
Hubby, early in the marriage, still infected with the idea he could think for himself and didn't have to listen to me. Forget the fact he'd never had horses before he met me. Forget that he'd only being riding about a year. He DID NOT have to listen to me, if he didn't want to.
One day we went for a trail ride. My husband Perry, on his mare Sage, his brother Rollin, on my old Smartie mare, and me, on my old stallion Cost.
It was really nice weather, perfect for a short trail ride. Don't know about the rest of the country but fall in North Texas brings out the bugs; crickets, grasshoppers, mosquitoes and spiders.
We rode down the side of the road for quite awhile, and hit the occasional tree limb which resulted in a quick shower.
After about 3 miles we turned south and headed through a wheat field that had been plowed under. The edge of the field is grown up with trees and it was really pretty.
When we reached the far end and were going to turn east to hit the road home we had to pass under some trees at the edge of the
field.
At this point I was in front, Perry was next and Rollin bringing up the rear. I could see a large web across the trail, this is common this time of year, little boogers build the darn things overnight.
In the middle of the web was this large, about half dollar size, yellow and black striped spider. It's legs were about 3 inches out from its body. One of those slick, shiny spiders that make your skin crawl.
I called back over my shoulder, "Single file here!"
Well, Perry seemed to have forgotten just who the alpha mare was because he totally ignored me and stayed on the same path, Rollin, being low man on the totem pole, and always fearful of me, moved Smartie over behind me.
I felt Cost looking over his right shoulder so I looked too and saw Sage's head at his hip. I turned completely around, ready to warn him again, just in time to see this large spider drop right down the neck of Perry's shirt!
Well he did a sideways dismount that would have made a circus rider proud!
The mare kept going forward and once she knew he was off, she decided it would be a good time to make a play for the stallion.
Some how Perry hit the ground on his feet and immediately started trying to get his shirt off. He kept fumbling with the buttons and finally gave that up as a bad job and just ripped the darn thing open! Then he realized he had forgotten the sleeves buttoned too and pulled the shirt over his head and placed his foot on the middle and ripped it off.
I was trying to watch him and keep from getting kicked by Sage, she's total hussy, and trying to keep Cost from getting nailed too. I was finally able to lean down and catch her rein and snub her up to my knee. Cost, to his credit, stood still but tense and waited for me to tell him something.
Rollin and Smartie had halted back from where Perry was doing the spider dance and remained silent and open mouthed, pretty funny expression on a horse!
After removing the outer shirt Perry simply grabbed his t-shirt and ripped it off about like one of those Chippendale guys, except no velcro, then proceeded to beat himself about the body and chest.
Except for the brief instant right as it fell in his shirt I never did see the spider again, but the husband remain unconvinced he was arachnid free for some time.
Finally after about 15 minutes of searching himself he determined he was spider free and after shaking out his now fatally ruined shirts he mounted up for the ride home.
Thankfully no one was hurt and except for the almost injurious bouts of hysterical laughter Rollin and I succumbed to
several times we had an uneventful ride home.
I seriously almost fell off on my head I was laughing so hard. Cost just plodded along home, which is a good thing because I was riding a stallion with two mares and I could not have controlled him because I was draped down the side of his neck, tears flowing and short of breath. Rollin was also paralyzed with laughter and thankfully Smartie just strolled along beside Cost.
Perry refused to speak to either of us the entire ride home. He rode along in semi-nude injured dignity and gave us nasty looks repeatedly.
The one benefit of this was that now, 17 years later, when I say single file, he gets his ass single file.
My only regret is I didn't have my video camera as I would certainly be $10,000 richer.
Roy Rogers would have been hard put to dismount like Perry did!
Tracy M
http://thehorsediary.blogspot.com/
Labels: My Hobbies
